Angela Parlin

So Much Beauty in All This Chaos

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Flight 549 to Santiago

August 11, 2013 By: Angela Parlin

A couple months ago, on Mother’s Day, I wrote this post about mothers on the other side of the world who confront global giants like poverty and hunger and disease, every day.

A few days later, my husband and I traveled to the Dominican Republic to visit friends, just us…and our four kids.  We made our way through New York City on a 24-hour layover, to Santiago, and finally, Monte Llano.

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We lived a week of days there, amazed at beautiful mountains and perfect seas, captivated by welcoming strangers all around.

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I didn’t want it to end, most of the moments we lived there. Only the ones where I was dripping sweat and realized why every other girl had their hair pinned up.

Our friends took us along to visit families they’d been getting to know, whose children attend the school where they work. We were invited into homes with dirt floors, chickens running around, cats to control the rats. Roofs were made of scrap metal and ripped sheets served as walls.

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Of course, we thought about the way we live like kings and queens, in our beautiful homes with so much food we beg to make it stop, and the ability to purchase all sorts of amusements.

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But it wasn’t their material poverty that made the biggest impression. It was their genuine happiness, in the midst of few choices, little food, and without all our possibilities.

It was the way they welcomed us in, two families with a grand total of nine children.

It was the community we witnessed, the kind of I-need-you-and-you-need-me we don’t often see here.

It was the little things ~ the abundance of playmates, tales of adventure on the island, toys made from twigs and imagination.

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Walking around, thoughts swirled over taking up my cross to follow Jesus. Is this what it looks like to lose life in order to find it?

The transformation in our friends was evident. They gave up their life to move there, in a lot of ways, and it hurt. But by the time we arrived, they had a whole new life–there, but not dependent on that place. And they don’t want to trade it, ever, because they have lived that beautiful life. They want more.

This doesn’t happen only by leaving all your stuff behind and living abroad or working in a mission. It just happened that way for them.

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I continue to revisit this beautiful place in pictures and memories. I wish I had words for the meaning and significance of the experience. But I can barely find words to summarize the trip, let alone the abundance of thoughts it sprouted.

For now, there is no resolve. I am left with what is: a book of photos, an amazing memory, a conversation started, much to learn, people to care for, and God above it all. For today, this is enough.

What about you? When and where has your spirit been moved by some distant place? 

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Know~Love~Lead Me…

July 7, 2013 By: Angela Parlin

I’m not sure how you can hear something so many times and still not apply it to yourself. But I know you can.

To apply yourself to words like these is to trust the voice of God above roars of the accuser, the world’s constant whispers, and life experiences that tell you otherwise.

I do! I do now, and here’s my challenge to you…

Find yourself here, in these words. See yourself this way:   

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. (Psalm 139, NIV)

I love the picture this scripture draws. Can you imagine God’s hands, weaving you together like delicate embroidery? He made you to the depths of you, inside and out. His eyes saw you; He formed you.

What do you do with that? There’s really only one thing to do when we truly get it…praise God. Praise God because His works—because you—are wonderful.

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All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you.

God has written your days, and He wrote you into this moment in history. But there’s more. He thinks of you more than you understand.

Once again, He draws a picture. Imagine you’re at the seashore, standing on warm, white sand. You bend down, scoop up a handful, and let it slip through your fingers. Each of those tiny grains of sand represents one of God’s thoughts of you. But look around, as far as you can see. God’s thoughts of you—outnumber the grains of sand.

Oh, and by the way, when you wake up each day, He is still thinking of you.

The psalm shifts then, and David turns to the trouble he faces, wicked men who pursue him. He expresses both impatience with his situation and loyalty to God. He wants God to just wipe out the wicked, but his heart softens when he ends with this prayer:

Search me, God, and know my heart; test me, and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

David goes to God, asking to be searched (for hidden sin) and tested. Because God knows Him better than he knows himself. He says, Prove that I trust You. And lead me Your way.

Friends, we are known—loved—understood—planned—exposed—and thought about. What do we do with this?

Praise God.

Repent.

Be led (by Him).

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Know Me, Love Me…

June 7, 2013 By: Angela Parlin

We all long to be known, and loved.

And we already are. I wonder why we don’t grow up feeling this, or feeling it enough.

As we age, questions surface. Who am I? Why am I here? What’s good about me?

Life answers harshly. Kids can be mean sometimes. We get left out. People misunderstand. Someone important leaves. We had reasons to make those conclusions, it’s all my own fault. We believed things about ourselves we would never voice aloud.

But these beliefs we adopt as children can become pillars we build life on.

Of course, those pillars will not stand. They always break down somewhere. But God shows up with a solid foundation. One that answers our deep need to be known and loved.

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Imagine David sitting down, alone, asking God, Do you really know me? Do you care?

The Spirit of God whispers, “Oh yes. I know you, David.” He goes on, and David writes all God speaks to his heart, for the rest of us.

You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely.You hem me in, behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. Psalm 139:1-6, NIV

God-knows-me, he wrote. Not “God knows everything”, but He knows me.

God has dug into your insides and uncovered every detail. He knows you more than you know yourself. He knows your ups and downs, when you’re out and at home, awake and asleep, and everything in between.

God knows your thoughts—and understands them—even before you give them words. Even when you don’t understand what you are feeling or why…He understands. He perceives…from afar, this speaks of motives behind thoughts. It’s a little scary, isn’t it? That He knows every attitude of our hearts? And yet He chose to make you and me, and to know.

Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day for darkness is as light to you. Psalm 139:7-12, NIV

Maybe God’s omnipresence troubled David. But as he works through this idea, that there is nowhere I can go, apart from God, he sees this: God’s presence everywhere in this world is for good.

God’s hand guides and holds us up. Even in darkness, in times we run from Him, or painful trials we barely make it through. God sees through the darkness in our lives to the other side, to all the other sides. He is drawing us toward Him in ways we cannot see.

I pray today we live aware that He knows us deep down, and cares to stay near. That we respond with love for Him, and praise Him for all He is and does, and then we live our lives at rest IN HIM. There is nothing I need more, this day…

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For My Good

March 25, 2013 By: Angela Parlin

Have you ever held out hands to God, and offered Him your life?

What conditions did you attach? What pieces did you stash away, hoping God would not touch?

I’ve been saying, anything Lord, I will do whatever you want.

But please, please, please don’t do this…or that.

Or I’ve been afraid to say anything, Lord. In my life, I’ve watched friends move to far-away lands to serve God and struggle hard. I’ve also watched friends love what I could never imagine loving. I’ve put arms around loved ones who mourned the loss of a baby, said goodbye to a friend, a Mama, who died far too young, listened to servants of Jesus recount suffering, and witnessed the stress of serving the poor and loving hard people.

And I’ve been afraid. I don’t want all that. My life has been easy—I mean, this life is so good, do we really want to mess that up?

We’ve had good health, we have four amazing kids, we’ve never struggled to make ends meet. We have great friends, who we love having in our home, and when younger, I would have called this house we live in a mansion. We even have family close by…rare for young families in this area. There have been difficulties, yes, but overall, my life causes me to say, Really, God? I have done nothing to deserve all this!

And that’s true, I have done nothing to deserve this. As if we all deserve to be right where we are in life. As if our missionary friends “deserve” to get sick and have unfulfilled needs and people stealing from them. As if anyone deserves to lose a child, or a Mommy. As if I deserved a good life, but my friend deserved a hard life. As if we all deserve to eat fancy recipes and shop at our favorite stores, while they deserve to wear rags and have tummies swolen with hunger.

It’s a distortion of God to think we are all just getting what we deserve. To think because we have done things right, we deserve good stuff. Or when suffering comes, it’s our payback. In our life, we try to do right, but the closer we get to Jesus, the more we see how sinful we are. You can see, from my thoughts above, what a wretched lover of self I am. I don’t want to mess up my good life, even if it means someone with little could have. Oh, yes, I’ll give to them, at least some. As long as I still have “enough”.

If we were given life based on what we deserve, my life would look entirely different and so would my hope for the future.

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But this idea of offering anything to God, it still bothers me. Because of this list of things I really want, or want to keep, that I don’t want God to mess with.

All my issues with God come down to fear and trust.

Which one will I give in to? Fear of all I might lose? Fear of not having what I think I need? Fear of losing my pretend control, or trust in God for everything?

In journaling about this, I thought, my Bible says “God works all things together for my good”, yet God and I often do not agree on the meaning of good. I opened Romans 8:28, and noticed I’ve twisted it a bit, and how easy it is for us to do that with God’s Word.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him…

That word good, the good God works for, is drawing us to Him. The good is closeness to Jesus. God is not interested in working out everything in our lives so that we think it’s good, happy, easy, safe, and enjoyable. WHAT?

Instead, He takes everything He allows in our lives, everything He will allow in days to come, what seems both good and bad, and He helps us love Him more through these. His goal is not our happiness, not our safety, not our amazing quality of life. Those never were His goals. He wants us to grow in love for Him.

You and me, friend, we were made to love God. And love means to die, to die to ourselves. Why, Christians, do we act like we were made to live happy, safe, comfortable, enjoyable lives? I am not saying we should not enjoy…God is for pleasure, but even our pleasure should draw us closer to Him, and I’m afraid often, it helps us ignore Him. It keeps us distracted and away from Him.

We were made to love God, not to build great lives, and hold on.

So today, this my prayer~that I let it all go, choose trust over fear, that I lay me down, and love everything He calls me to in this life, because I love Him.

Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow Me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for Me and for the gospel will save it. Mark 8: 34-35

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God Did This

December 2, 2012 By: Angela Parlin

One of my favorite passages in the book of Acts takes place in Greece. Instantly, I imagine one of those “Greek Isles” calendars at the bookstore or the painted plate my sister picked up for me there. Maybe it didn’t look that perfect in Paul’s day, but nonetheless, in Acts 17, Paul waits in Athens, talking Jesus to anyone who will listen.

“Men of Athens! I see that in every way you are very religious. For as I walked around and looked carefully at your objects of worship, I even found an altar with this inscription: TO AN UNKNOWN GOD. Now what you worship as something unknown I am going to proclaim to you.

“The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by hands. And He is not served by human hands, as if He needed anything, because He Himself gives all men life and breath and everything else. From one man, He made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and He determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live.

“God did this SO THAT MEN WOULD SEEK HIM and perhaps reach out for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us.” (Acts 17:22-27).

God did this….made the world, you and me, decided when and where we would live and breathe…God did this—so that we would SEEK Him and REACH out for Him and FIND Him, and He is never far.

To seek is to go in search of, to look for, to try to find or discover. And yes, we must seek God a first time, a time of initial repentance and belief. We first turn toward God, but then a life of seeking begins, and isn’t this what living for God is? Seeking Him?

The journey of life, all of it–a reach for God.

Years back, I didn’t think much about seeking God. I felt like I “had him” already. I might have read right past this passage, thinking I’ve already done that, as if reaching for God was a one-time thing. I knew what to do and what not to do, yet in my heart, my love for Jesus was small. I was earnestly seeking, but not earnestly seeking Him. I ached with restlessness, desired greater purpose in life. And the answer to my ache was near.

It was in a book I read little snippets of every couple of days and in those rare quiet moments when the TV was off, the radio was off, and I was alone in my house, alone only as far as I could see. I whispered little prayers, “Lord, help me to love you more,” out of a heart that wanted to know the fullness of His grace but didn’t quite FEEL it.

All I can say for sure is this, He heard my not-so-fancy prayers, my simple requests, and He delivered. If we seek God and reach out for Him, we will find Him and the LIFE He offers.

Just two things I ask you to think through with me. This time of year, we reach full speed ahead for things to make us happy. We know they won’t make us happy, but we’re in the tradition of running after things. How can we seek God, how do we reach for Him and find life in Him instead?

Two, God has planned (or allowed) the details of your life, small and great. I know, sometimes the details pile on hard, but even then, He draws us close when we reach for Him. So I ask, what has He done for you lately??? Will you scratch down a little list with me, a list of life and breath and everything else He gives, and bask in the praise of Glory? And why not share a thing or two in the comments?!

Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters;

And you who have no money, come, buy, and eat!

Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost.

Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy?

Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,

And your soul will delight in the richest of fare.

Seek the Lord while He may be found;

Call on Him while He is near.

Isaiah 55:1-2, 6

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Welcome to My Blog, So Much Beauty In All This Chaos~

I'm so glad you stopped by my little corner of the internet, where I write about the chaos of life & all the beauty we find, especially as we fix our eyes on Jesus. Thank you for sharing any posts you enjoy on social media. I'm so glad you're here!

~Angela
angela (at) angelaparlin (dot) com

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